Casey Combden » Archive for Casey Counselling

Mar 22 2009

Your Perfect Life…

Posted by: Casey Combden in Casey Counselling, Casey Coaching, Casey Mentoring, Casey Comments

In this day and age we are surrounded by messages that virtually scream, “Your life would be perfect if…”

My life would be perfect if I had a different job, a different house, car, nose, spouse, bank account, (fill in the blank). Or my life would be perfect if I could be like some celebrity whose life appears so well-ordered and perfect. I encourage you to stop playing “my life would be perfect if” and start playing “my perfect life.” What’s the difference? Three things: being in the present, an attitude of gratitude, and taking action with what’s available now.When we’re caught up in the “my life would be perfect if” trap, we’ve lost touch with the present. And the moment we detach from the present, we can no longer practice gratitude. Think about it: it’s difficult to be grateful for what you don’t have… and what you don’t have is always somewhere out in future-ville. Look around you right now. Think of 10 things you’re grateful for. Do you have a roof over your head and food to eat? I’m guessing the answer is yes. Do you have at least a few good friends or close relationships? Then appreciate them too, right now. Keep going, and practice being in the present and being grateful for what is here and now at least a couple times a day.You’re also probably sitting there thinking, “yes, but.” Yes, but I want more money, a better relationship, more time to travel, to be thinner, happier or whatever. It’s one of the great mysteries I’ll never figure out. The minute you stop focusing on what you lack, start focusing on what you’ve already got, and add the “magic” ingredient of action, you actually begin to attract more of what you want. It’s an amazing formula for really living your perfect life!

Let’s say you want to lose weight or get in better shape, but you don’t have an hour a day to spend exercising in the gym. Therefore, you’ve pretty well resigned yourself to not losing weight or getting in shape. What if you had five minutes though…just about everyone can find five minutes to exercise, stretch, walk around the block or walk the dog. Would you be willing to be grateful for five minutes and make the best possible use of it? Therein lies the beginning of your perfect life!

Apply the same principle to anything in your life that you want to improve. Maybe your finances are a wreck and you think you need a financial makeover. Before you rush off to a financial planner, take a moment to practice being grateful for what you do have. Then ask how you can improve your finances starting now. Are you consistently “paying yourself first,” as any good financial planner will advise you to do? Even as little as $50 a month can quickly build a nest egg of thousands of dollars, through consistency and the “magic” of compound interest. It’s not the amount that matters, it’s the attitude and the action. Even something as small as cleaning out your wallet and practicing the attitude of gratitude when you sit down to pay bills can signal a shift in your financial picture.

The point is, you already have the life you have. The lessons you need to learn are right in front of you (and me!). The sooner you start accepting (rather than running from) the present, being grateful for what’s right in front of you, and taking positive action, the sooner you will radiate energy, optimism and the can-do spirit that makes you attractive to more and better opportunities.

A simple formula may help you remember how to apply this principle:

BEING PRESENT + AN ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE + POSITIVE ACTION

= MY PERFECT LIFE

Try it for a day.

Each time you start dreaming about how perfect your life would be if…come back to this moment, give thanks for what is, and do one thing to perfect what you have and who you are right now. There’s a saying that “when the student is ready, the teacher appears.” If you’re ready to start perfecting your life, your teachers are all around you.

Are you looking?

Mar 20 2009

Mental & Emotional Freedom

Posted by: Casey Combden in Casey Counselling, Casey Coaching, Casey Mentoring

I received an email from a friend of mine that was wonderfully insightful, and I wanted to share it with you all. Mental & Emotional FreedomOur past sets up predispositions. For most people, those predispositions determine much of their life forever. A key to freedom is understanding that predisposition does not mean determination. The difference is your conscious choice, your will.

Even how you think about that is likely colored by past programming…which you can change.

Remember this: the Truth does not cause pain. If you have a belief or perception that causes you to feel hopeless, angry, sad, etc, those feelings are the clear indication that that belief or perception is off.

The Universe actually works…and with such an intricate, unerring order, that it’s almost unfathomable….governed by Truth (natural law). When you understand what is True, and think in ways that are true, your life will work with such an order.

“Ye shall know the Truth, and the Truth shall set you free.” Jesus

If someone comes to your door selling vacuums, you don’t have to buy. No matter how convincing their sales pitch. That’s your choice. When a pattern of thought comes knocking at your minds door, wanting to sell you a load of pain…no matter how buyable the pitch is, how many times you have bought in the past…you don’t have to go with it. (You may want to unsubscribe from their auto-ship program.)

You can remember that Truth empowers and misinformation (which misaligns you with the reality of Life) disempowers…and feeling the disempowerment of the thought, your clear understanding can recognize “that thought isn’t True. It only seems true because it matches my programming, but it actually isn’t. And as I don’t buy it, and instead refocus on a perspective that empowers me, I’ll have a better life and even the programming will change.”

If you claim the issues you get to keep them. Why do that? Your words have power and influence reality. Every word you speak has energy that blesses or hurts your life. So why speak words that aren’t a blessing to you. You don’t have to.

Pay attention to the patterns of predisposition that have been running you. The key is being conscious…the conscious direction of your life, your creative energy, for the life experience you actually want. Before acting, before speaking, even when thoughts come up…remember what you really want, take full responsibility for your life, and direct yourself accordingly.

You can witness your thoughts, your beliefs, your moods and emotions…which means you are not any of those things. You are the witness, which is also the chooser when you remember. Your sovereignty comes from existence itself “Made in the image and likeness of God…” Nothing has the power to take that away (though it can be forgotten).

When you are not conscious, clearly your consciousness, You, are not directing the show. So the patterns of the past play auto-pilot based on what they have learned (doing the best they can actually).

(Here is a tip: anytime you think, say, or do anything that is not in your highest good, there is some degree of unconsciousness at work.)

There are things you can control and things you can’t. Focusing on what you can’t control disempowers you. Consciously moving your attention to what you can control in every situation will empower you. Ask “what can I do about this?” and do it. Don’t blame yourself, don’t blame others, and don’t indulge negativities that won’t benefit you…just ask what you can do that is positive and do it. And go neutral to the rest (since that’s all you can do). This is a recipe for freedom.

When you become aware in a moment that you were being directed by an old pattern (worrying, judging, despairing, etc), be glad that your realized it—now you can shift. If frustration, self-judgment, impatience come up, i.e. “Why am I still doing that, I know better…am I ever going to get it?”…realize that is just another layer of patterning and don’t indulge it. It won’t help. Just recognize that patterning was established over time and it may require some time and consistency to shift…be glad that you recognized it, and simply shift. No drama needed.

Right now, reading these words, there may even be a pattern coming up saying “I can’t do that, its too hard…its not that simple…I don’t have the energy, etc”. That also, is just a pattern, programmed in the past, not even by you. It’s ok that it comes up. Just recognize it as a programmed reaction…you can even anticipate when it will likely come up…but recognize that it’s ultimately not true, and don’t buy into it. And redirect your thinking and perceiving in a manner that better produces what you want. That’s all. It’s actually simple.

Easy and hard are states of mind about energy application. All shifts require energy application. That does not have to be subjectively related to as hard. Calling what needs to be done hard, is just another unconscious pattern of thought that will not benefit you. “See the job, do the job, and stay out of the misery.” Maharishi

And enjoy your life. It’s a beautiful gift. Attune your awareness to the beauty of life.

What you put your attention on grows.

Blessings

Comments 1 Comment »

Sep 10 2008

7 Secrets To Speaking In Public

Posted by: Casey Combden in Casey Counselling, Casey Coaching, Casey Mentoring

I found these great suggestions in a book I was reading on how to overcome the fear of “Speaking in Public.”

Hopefully these suggestions will be able to help you!

Remember Public Speaking is one of the highest paid professions in the world!

1) Admit nervousness
All you have to do is admit that you are a bit nervous speaking to your audience. When you do this, the audience will be more forgiving if your nervousness shows up later on. More importantly you will feel more relaxed now that they are not expecting a world-class presentation. Imagine their surprise when you give them the best presentation ever despite your nervousness.

The best way to do this is by joking about it. Here’s an example of a good one. “On the way here, only God and I knew what I will be presenting. (looking a bit nervous) Now, only God knows.”

2) Redefine your audience
Redefining your audience generally means changing how you see your audience. Instead of seeing them as lecturers who are evaluating you, maybe you can convince yourself that they are all fellow students who are in a queue to speak after you. They are all equally nervous, so you’re all in it together.

Or perceive them as long lost friends that you haven’t seen for 10 years. This way you can maintain eye contact trying to figure out where you have seen them before. And the audience will see a very friendly and personal presentation.

3) Invest in visual aids
Imagine a presentation with beautiful PowerPoint slides and even more impressive notes given to each of your audience members. Half of the time, their eyes will not be on you. They will read through the notes and watch your fancy slides.

This will help a lot as you can then speak to the people who are not looking at you. When they look at you, you just change your focus to other people who are not looking. Giving a speech to people who are not looking at you is always easier.

4) Use mistakes for laughter
Once I “accidentally” dropped my notes on the floor, and while picking them up, I warned the audiences that the presentation will be more confusing after this. I heard some laughter from the floor.

The idea is to gain control of your audience. If you can make them laugh and be more interactive with you, your presentation will have that casual feel to it which will make it more memorable than others. Ultimately you will find it easier to do.

5) Speak to one person at a time
One of the most terrifying things about public speaking is the crowd. Just by looking at the crowd, all in silence waiting to hear you speak, can send shivers down your spine. To overcome this, you just need to speak to one person at a time.

Choose one member of your audience and dedicate your whole presentation to him or her. Just assume that everyone else is not paying attention. When someone asks you a question, change your focus to that person and answer the question as if the two of you are in a coffee shop chatting away. Isn’t that the most relaxing way to handle a crowd?

6) Be impressive with personal opinion
When you speak or give a presentation, try to squeeze in a few of your personal thoughts on the matter. Of course these should be prepared early on. However, you should make it appear as if the ideas are “just in” while you are presenting. That will differentiate your presentation from the rest, and when you see the interested look on the faces of your audience, it will elevate your presentation to another level, a level where you start having fun.

7) Have fun experimenting
This is the most important tip of all. Have fun with the crowd. Try new ways to give the best presentation to your audience. Maybe experiment with a comic approach, or walk around the hall instead of being static on the stage.

Have fun experimenting on human behavior and you will see that public speaking is not that bad after all. Remember that there are no failures; only different results.

We assume that speaking is something you plan to do for the rest of your life, so you may as well get good at it. Public speaking is something to Have fun with, it can separate you from the average on put you into another level of success, so go for it!

Jul 29 2008

Top 10 Body Language Tips in Communicating With Others

Posted by: Casey Combden in Casey Counselling, Casey Coaching, Casey Mentoring

It doesn’t matter how much you know in your personal or professional life. Your knowledge is quite useless, unless you know how to communicate it to others, and I don’t just mean with the words you use. I’m also talking about the nonverbal communication, or body language, that goes on in every face-to-face situation.

Here are the Top 10 tips in communcating with others

1. Eye contact in any culture is one of the most important aspects when dealing with others, especially people we’ve just met. Maintaining good eye contact shows respect and interest in what they have to say. In the United States, the United Kingdom, and Australia we tend to keep eye contact around 60 to 70 percent of the time. We tend to look directly at the face more when we’re listening than talking.

By allowing your gaze to drift away from the face some of the time, you won’t make yourself or other people feel self- conscious. Instead, it will give them a feeling of comfort and genuine warmth in your company and will allow you to gather your thoughts. Any more eye contact than this, and you could come across as too intense; any less, and you give off signals that perhaps you’re losing interest in them or the content of their conversation.

2. Posture is the next thing to master — get your posture right, and you’ll automatically feel good.

Next time you notice you’re feeling a bit down, take a few moments to notice how you’re sitting or standing. Chances are you’ll be slouched over with your shoulders drooping down and inward. This collapses the chest and inhibits good breathing, which in turn can make you feel nervous, uncomfortable, and low.

Good posture should be easy and relaxed on the spine, and there should be no tension in the muscles — just imagine a thread running through your spine and being gently lifted upward.

3. Head position is a great one to play with, both with yourself and others. When you want to feel confident and self-assured, keep your head level, both horizontally and vertically. You can also use this straight head position when you want to be authoritative with people and you want them to take you and what you’re saying seriously.

Conversely, when you want to be friendly and in the listening, receptive mode, tilt your head just a little to one side or other. You can shift the tilt from left to right at different points in the conversation as well as nod your head to encourage people to continue speaking.

4. Arm movements let people know how open and receptive we are to them. We use them to hug and to push away, so keep your arms relaxed at the side of your body or behind your back. This shows you are not scared to take on whatever comes your way and you meet challenges full-on.

In general terms the more outgoing you are as a person, the more you tend to use your arms outwardly and away from the body. The quieter you are, the less you gesticulate, and the movements are smaller. Try to strike a natural balance and keep your arm motions midway. When wanting to come across in the best possible light, a very simple rule is not to cross your arms. Obviously, if someone says something that you disagree with, then by all means, show your disapproval by crossing them, but otherwise, don’t.

5. Legs are the furthest point away from the brain, and consequently, they’re one of the hardest parts of the body to consciously control. They tend to move around a lot more than normal when we are nervous, stressed, or being deceptive.

In most situations, especially interviews or work meetings, it’s best to keep them as still as possible. Be careful, too, in the way you cross your legs. Do you cross at the knees or ankles, or do you bring your leg up to rest on the knee of the other?

This is more a question of comfort than anything else. Just be aware that the last position mentioned is known as the “figure four” and is generally perceived as the most defensive leg cross, especially if you do it just after someone says or does something you don’t like, because the natural tendency is to grip the ankle and squeeze, which shows people your tension.

6. Orientation, or angle of the body, gives an indication of our attitudes and feelings toward others. We naturally angle ourselves toward people we find attractive, friendly, and interesting and angle ourselves away from those we don’t.

This includes the way we lean in and out from people, as we will often just tilt from the pelvis and lean sideways or forward to share a bit of conversation. Being directly face-on to someone can be adversarial, like a game of chess. In situations where there may be tension or stress it is better to approach softly from the side than straight on.

7. Hand gestures are so numerous that it’s hard to give a brief guide. Palms slightly up and outward is seen as open and friendly. Palm-down gestures are generally seen as dominant, emphasizing, and possibly aggressive, especially when there is no movement or bending between the wrist and the forearm.

This palm up, palm down is very important when it comes to handshaking, and where appropriate, you should always offer a handshake when meeting new people. The handshake should be upright and vertical, which will convey a feeling of equality.

8. Distance or proximity to others is crucial if you want to give off the right signals. Stand or sit too close, and you’ll be marked as “pushy”; too far away, and you’ll be “standoffish.”

Neither are what we want, so observe when in a group situation how close all the other people are to each other. If you move closer to someone and he backs away, you’re probably just a little too close to his comfort zone. You’ve “overstepped the mark” and should pull back a little to your previous position.

9. Mouth movements can give away all sorts of clues as to how we’re feeling. We purse our lips, bite them, and sometimes twist them to the side when we’re thinking or maybe holding back a sarcastic or angry comment we don’t wish to reveal.

Nevertheless, it will probably be spotted by others, and although they may not know the comment, they will get a feeling you are not pleased. There are also different types of smiles, and each gives off a corresponding feeling to the recipient. Genuine smiles show the teeth and wrinkle the corners of the eyes.

10. Your ears are also important, even though, in general terms, most people can’t move them much. However, if you’ve got two ears and only one mouth, try to use them in that order. If you listen twice as much as you talk, you’ll come across as a good communicator who knows how to strike a balanced conversation without being self-centered or, at the other end of the scale, a wallflower.

Practice these 10 simple ways to improve your communication skills, and you’ll reap the rewards in your personal and professional life. People will find you more attractive, more open, more presentable, and more professional.

Jul 25 2008

What Recession? You’re Prosperous If You Think It So!

Posted by: Casey Combden in Casey Counselling, Casey Coaching, Casey Mentoring

A recent issue of Newsweek reported that while many consumers are tightening their belts for economically lean times, businesses that cater to very wealthy clients are booming. Italian handbag purveyor Bottega Veneta reported a first quarter increase of 31.5% in sales, on top of a 49% surge in 2007. Prada’s profits were up 66%. Some of Christie’s fine art pieces are being auctioned for two or three times pre-auction estimates. 80% of wealthy people polled indicated they intended to spend more during the coming year. In an article entitled Unsinkable Luxury, Newsweek declared, “the luxury spending spree goes on unfettered.”

If you, like many people, are spending less these days even on necessities, you may scoff, “It’s not fair!” as you covertly send multimillionaires the evil-eye. Yet I would like to suggest another take on the situation, one that will empower you emotionally and financially.

Recessions are caused when consumers grow afraid to spend money, which diminishes the cash in circulation, and most people end up receiving less. It’s a vicious cycle fuelled less by a fixed economic reality and more by fear. Recession is a fear-based reality.

Wealthy people are generally not afraid to spend money; in fact they rather enjoy it. So economic conditions that frighten most folks do not faze them, and they continue to purchase $5,000 handbags, which keeps big bucks in circulation. Because fear is disempowering and faith is empowering, wealthy people are making a big contribution to the economy, not just by continuing to purchase, but more significantly by refusing to go into the sense of lack that paralyzes others.

You can offset recession collectively and personally by refusing to make decisions based on fear. I suggest that you spend money on the things you want and need, and trust that providence is natural. I’m not suggesting that you spend money you don’t have or spend imprudently. I’m just suggesting that you let faith be a stronger factor in your consciousness than fear or resistance.

Your most crucial prosperity organ is your brain, and the times when others are shutting down circulation is the most fertile time to step it up. There are always people, even in more modest income brackets, who flounder in strong economic times, as well as those who thrive in hard times.

I recently asked a Realtor how she was doing. “My business is buzzing,” she reported with a smile. “I’ve closed a bunch of sales lately.” When I asked her method, she explained, “I don’t read newspapers or engage in conversations with others about the reported slow market. I choose to live in a prosperous reality, and that is how it turns out.”

The Secret is to Be, Do and Have.

Be prosperous in your mind. Do activities and take actions as if you are already prosperous and you will have prosperity.
You, have the right and power to create a vibrant personal economy.

You are prosperous if you think it so!

Jul 22 2008

Stop Trying To Be Like… Start Being You!

Posted by: Casey Combden in Casey Counselling, Casey Coaching, Casey Mentoring

I don’t like you.

Four words we hate to hear. For some reason, we all like to be liked. No revelation there. It’s how we’re wired. We hate it when people don’t like us - even people we don’t really know. Some of us will do almost anything to be liked. We love to please, even at the expense of our own happiness, values, beliefs and standards.We compromise ourselves a hundred ways and turn ourselves inside-out trying to make others like us, but in that approval-seeking process we often forget who we are and wind up being disliked by the one person whose opinion should matter the most; us.

Newsflash 1: Some people aren’t gonna like you.

Newsflash 2: That’s okay. That’s right - life ain’t fair and even though you may very well be a fantastic human being, some people will find a reason to dislike you no matter what you do or how fabulous you are. Chances are it’s more about their issues than anything you have or haven’t done.

There are people who don’t like me who have never actually met me or had a conversation with me. That’s fine with me. I won’t invest emotional energy into things I can’t change. I will endeavour to be the best I can be and if my best still generates critics and people who find reason to dislike me (which it will), that’s okay.

The only person I can change is me, so I’ll focus on improving, educating and developing myself rather than trying to create a fan club or convince people to like me.

While it’s normal and very human to have the desire to be needed, liked, loved and important to others, it’s also crucial for our development to get clear about who we are and what we stand for, and to live a life consistent with those values - to like ourselves. Otherwise we simply become frustrated People Pleasers.

Newsflash 3: It’s okay to disagree with people. Even people you like and respect.

Newsflash 4: Some people’s overwhelming need to be liked is the very thing that makes them hard to like (there’s some irony for you).

Newsflash 5: For many people, their need to be liked is actually a significant barrier to their personal and professional growth.

When it comes to this issue, you might want to ask yourself these questions:

1. Do I live a life which is consistent with my core values?2. Do I operate with integrity?3. Do I believe that my motives are good?4. Is it my goal to be a positive influence in the lives of others?5. Do I (really) like me? If you answered yes to all of the above, then you’re doing pretty well. If there were more crosses than ticks then you may want to make a few changes. Soon. Some short-term pain for some long-term gain.If you really want to be liked, then stop trying to be liked and start being you.